Speedo Guns — Size Matters

Summer is right around the corner. School’s out, families are taking vacations, and the temperatures are rising. The beach is a popular destination, and you ain’t strutting if you ain’t wearing a Speedo. The question is, what gun do you carry while wearing a Speedo? I’ll save our readers a picture of me in a Speedo, but as you imagine, there isn’t much room to fit a gun.

Let’s be real, Speedos are European, and Euros don’t get gun rights anyway. However, the Speedo represents a classic problem for concealed carriers. It’s the extreme of minimalist clothing that makes concealed carry tough. With that idea in mind, if you had to wear a Speedo, what gun would you carry? That’s what we are explaining today, the best Speedo guns.

North American Arms Mini Revolver

The NAA Mini Revolvers are the ultimate Speedo guns. In fact, they inspired this article. NAA maintains a story on the website about an undercover cop wearing nothing more than a Speedo. He carried an NAA Micro Revolver. These are easily the smallest repeating firearms I know of.

The NAA Mini Revolver is the smallest repeater out there.

They are five-shot mini revolvers that are the size of derringers that drop in your pocket with ease. North American Arms makes these guns in .22 Short, Long Rifles, and .22 Magnum. They are all ultra-small and easy to conceal.

Suppose I had to carry this while wearing a Speedo. I could drop it in the Speedo itself. Maybe tape it to my inner thigh or right below the waistline. It’s so small with the right pattern on my swimwear I could make it disappear.

The KelTec P32

The Keltec P32 weighs 6.6 ounces and is micro-sized for a repeating firearm. With seven in the mag and a centerfire cartridge, you get a good amount of oomph for your buck. The P32 fits in the palm of your hand. While small, the little .32 ACP cartridges are plenty comfy to shoot and easy on the hands.

Keltec P32
The P32 is super light and very affordable.

A DAO trigger requires a stiff pull to fire, but for deep concealment, that’s an advantage. The polymer frame means rust will only be a problem for the slide, but we all take good care of our guns, right? Of all the guns on this list, this is the most competent for fighting and would be my choice if violence at the beach was a regular occurrence.

How do you carry this gun in a tiny-sized bathing suit? We’ll have to be creative. I think I have one of those 32-ounce Yeti or Yeti-style cups. It’s all metal, with a lid, and I can set the gun in the cup, cover it with the lid and tote it around the beach. It won’t be the fastest draw, but it won’t be slow, either.

Trailblazer Lifecard

The Lifecard is an interesting concept. The name Card is intentional. It’s a card shape, roughly the same length, and height as a credit card. It’s a bit thicker, obviously, but still very small. The card unfolds into a single-shot 22LR or 22 Magnum gun. One shot isn’t much, but it’s better than nothing. The Lifecard’s hollow grip can contain a few extra rounds for reloads.

lifecard 22lr
The Lifecard is about as simple and small as it can get.

Operation is simple, and it’s a single-action, striker-fired gun. Grab it, cock it, and pull the trigger, and it goes bang. The real strength of this gun is its ability to be disguised as nothing more than a black, vaguely card-like design. It’s concealed by its nature. It’s a close-range gun, and you only get trench sight to aim, so don’t expect to be a marksman with it.

However, you still need to carry it around, and guess what? It fits in a variety of containers. You can toss it in an Altoids tin or in an empty pack of cigarettes. Tuck your container into your waistline and enjoy the lightweight, disguised nature of your gun as you soak in that summer air.

Ideal Conceal .380 ACP

Ideal Conceal was quite controversial. They got hit from all sides when they repealed the Ideal Conceal .380 and 9mm derringers. Like the Trailblazer Lifecard, they fold up. However, since they chamber larger cartridges, they tend to be larger. Instead of looking like thick credit cards, they look like cell phones.

Ideal conceal pistol
Its non-gun shape makes it easy to disguise.

Modern smartphones, to be precise. Unfold the grip, and you have a vaguely block-shaped gun. It has minimalist sights and an optional laser for close-range shots. The design is a top-break style, and a double-action trigger makes shooting quick and easy. The .380 ACP variant offers a little less recoil and easier control.

Like the Lifecard, the Ideal Conceal’s disguise is its design. At first glance, it looks like a phone and nothing more. It doesn’t have a gun-like shape. If I had to carry it when wearing a Speedo, I’d toss it into one of those phone armbands and toss a set of wireless headphones in my ears. It’s disappeared and under the radar.

Seecamp .32 ACP

The P32 might be the lightest automatic, but the Seecamp is the overall smallest. It’s all metal and designed from the start for deep concealment. It’s smooth from front to back and even lacks sights. The gun is only .86 inches thick, 3.25 inches tall, and 4.25 inches long overall. It holds six rounds of .32 ACP.

The Seecamp LWS
The Seecamp is an OG of deep concealment.

They make a .380 variant that’s basically the same size. However, the .32 ACP has a much softer recoil, and it’s much easier to control. The .380 tries to buck out of your hand. The little .32 is pleasant to shoot. The gun has a heavy DAO trigger, and without sights, it’s really oriented more toward being a close-range fighting gun.

The little Seecamp can be carried in the same way as the P32. It fits easily in a cup. Heck, you can use an even smaller cup if that’s your bag. That’s not creative, though. What is creative is getting a cheap paperback book and carving out a hollow. The Seecamp doesn’t require a big book and stashes with ease. A book at the beach is natural, and no one will notice.

Swimwear Carry

It’s that time of the year, and for the dudes wearing Speedos, more power to you. I hope you learned a thing or two, and I hope you’re ready for whatever summer brings! Obviously, this article is a little tongue-in-cheek, but it gets the creative juices flowing for concealed carry. With that in mind, what is your deep-cover solution? If you had to wear a Speedo, which gun would you carry, and how would you carry it?

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